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The calendar hung itself. by bright eyes

Does [s]he kiss your eyelids in the morning when you start to raise your head?
And does [s]he sing to you incessantly from the space between your bed and wall?
Does [s]he walk around all day at school with his [her] feet inside your shoes?
Looking down every few steps to pretend [s]he walks with you.

Oh does [s]he know that place below your neck that is your favorite to be touched,
and does [s]he cry through broken sentences that I love you far too much?
Does [s]he lay awake listening to your breath?
Worried you smoke too many cigarettes.

Is [s]he coughing now, on a bathroom floor?
For every speck of tile there's a thousand more,
you won’t ever see.
but you must hold inside yourself eternally.

Well I drug your ghost across the country and we plotted out my death.
In every city, memories would whisper, Here is where you rest.
I was determined in Chicago but I dug my teeth into my knees,
and I settled for a telephone and sang into your machine.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

[...]

And it rose like thunder, clapped under our hands.
And it stretched for centuries to a diary entry’s end
where I wrote,
You make me happy
oh when skies are gray.
You make me happy oh when skies are gray, and gray, and gray.

Well the clock’s heart it hangs inside its open chest
with its hands stretched towards the calendar hanging itself
but I will not weep for those dying days.
For all the ones who've left there's a few that stayed.
And they found me here and pulled me from the grass where I was laid.
3.8.08 03:24


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Gänsehaut. Schmetterlinge. Vielleicht das lang ersehnte Glück?

This is the first day of my life
I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”

So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me
30.7.08 16:28


Gegruebel.

Gerade noch gluecklich.

Und jez?

Ich weiss es nicht mehr.

 

Es war so schoen und anders einfach. Als koennte es mehr werden.

Oder will ich das einfach nur so sehen? Wuensche ich es mir so sehr, dass ich mir selbst etwas vormache?
Oder hat er mir etwas vorgemacht?

Warum hat es sich dann so gut und echt angefuehlt? 

Ich will Antworten. Jetzt. Sofort.

Und wieder traeumen und hoffen und Gekribbel im Bauch.

Ich kann doch nicht schon wieder so blind gewesen sein, oder?
Ich will nicht mehr blind sein.

Ich will doch nur gluecklich sein.

19.7.08 16:49


Warum muss es so schwer sein?

I won't regret saying this
This thing that I'm saying
Is it better than keeping my mouth shut
That goes without saying

Call, break it off
Call, break my own heart
Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at
Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at

But now we'll never know
I won't be sad
But in case I go there
Everyday, to make myself feel bad
There's a chance that I'll start to wonder if this was the thing to do

I won't be out long
But I still think it better if
You take your time coming over here
I think that's for the best

Call, break it off
Call, break my own heart
Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at
Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at

But now we'll never know
I won't be sad
But in case I go there
Everyday, to make myself feel bad

There's a chance that I'll start to wonder if this was the thing to do
I'll start to wonder if this was the thing to do

 

... and I'm already wondering. 

 

3.7.08 13:15


Rueckzug

Vielleicht doch nicht.

Chaos. Im Kopf. Im Herz und ueberall.
6.4.08 23:09


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